The other night, I was on a date with a new girl – an absolutely hot, sexy Spitfire. She excused herself to use the restroom
While she was gone, I texted the girlfriend. “It’s going pretty well. She’s cute and funny and we’re having a pretty good time. Also, I have not been murdered. Love you, see you later!” I hit send and put my phone away just as I saw the Spitfire returning from the bathroom.
She sat down and said, “I feel like I’m dating half of you.”
“Not at all,” I told her. “I was just checking in, letting The Girlfriend know that I’m okay, that you’re cool, and that we’re enjoying ourselves. I wouldn’t sit here texting her while you’re here.”
Like I mentioned in the Date Rules post, you need to be emotionally present. Everyone you aren’t with still values you, and they know that they are in your thoughts. Focus on who you’re with.
I told her that isn’t true at all. She was on a date with all of me. And believe me – she had my full attention. She was very concerned that we would run out of things to talk about, and that never happened. I could have gone on talking to her for hours, if the restaurant wasn’t about to close. A couple of times, during natural lulls in the conversation, like times when we both took a drink and then didn’t immediately start talking again, she said, “You’re quieter in real life than I thought you’d be.”
“No,” I said. “I’m not. I just realized that when we stop talking, I get to look into those eyes. I don’t think these are awkward silences. Do you?”
“No,” she said. “But when you look at me like that, I keep thinking about how much I want to kiss you.”
Here’s a hint for you shy or kind of introverted poly daters. That is an invitation. Seize it. If she tells you she wants to kiss you, kiss her.
“Well, let’s give them some money for our drinks and then we’ll go make that happen.” This is why I started carrying cash again.
It was -4F outside. The choices, really, were her car or my car. I voted for my car. After a truly delightful hour in the car, we realized it was late. Time to go. I knew I liked her when my immediate thought was the little kid’s pre-bedtime, “Five more minutes.”
She didn’t say anything, but she didn’t unwrap me from around herself for another five minutes. Then we kissed goodnight, knowing that it was a good, good night.
Our entire date was a touch over four hours. And for all four of those hours, she dated all of me.