I had a lunch date with a wonderful woman I met on OKCupid. We ate a tasty lunch and then realized we were feeling amorous. It was a beautiful summer day, and there was a scenic forest preserve across the street from my office. Sex in the woods? It’s been a while! We agreed to head over there and scope it out.
It was nearly 2pm, all of the company lunch types were already gone. The place wasn’t deserted but it was sparsely populated. Hand in hand, we walked down some of the walking paths until we came open a picnic pavilion building. Bam, up against the brick support post, hands in her hair, tongues entwined, bodies pressed together, getting harder and harder to breathe.
The inside of the pavilion was clearly visible from the field where a group was playing softball, so we decided to head into the wooded area and explore… each other, not so much the woods. Of course, we didn’t have a blanket to lay on, this was entirely spur of the moment. I administered my particular brand of PMW attention for at least 15 minutes, and she encouraged whichever hand was free at the time to be clamped over her mouth. It was super erotic. I love sex outside. When she came back down to earth, it was my turn. I laid on my back and she got to work. It was a fantastic afternoon.
When I got back to work my friend asked, “What did you have for lunch?”
“Vagina!” I answered.
I got home after work and after a thorough shower, I told my wife the story of my afternoon. I recall there being some amazing, hot post-debrief sex. Four days later, I was getting out of the shower (there had been showers in the meantime, this was not the very next shower I took, four days later!) and she noticed a huge black spot on my neck that she maintains was “the size of a dime!”
IT WAS A TICK!
I got a tick. A forest preserve outdoor sex tick.
My wife was very gracious and sprang to my rescue, although I really just think she wanted to perform amateur surgery on me. She got the tick out of me She saved my life!
“That’s it!” She said. “That was the first and last time! Next time, whichever of your girls caused it has to nurse you back to health from your sex injuries!” For the next four and a half minutes, I was bleeding from the neck and convulsing with laughter. And I am very grateful that she didn’t really mean it.