I wonder if I fall in love too easily. I already said that I don’t know how to spend full-on relationship levels of time with someone, plus the closeness and togetherness of good sex, without developing deep feelings. Every one of my partners is wonderful. We have such great times together. We laugh a lot and we have massive amounts of fun doing anything or absolutely nothing. They are all so amazing, and they all add so much to my life.
I am not bumbling into meeting my ideal woman every time I go out with someone – not by a long shot. But for those women who are worth it, who better me and benefit from me, who I have a click and a connection and a chemistry with… I get to love them all, and hang on to them all. And this is why I can’t reduce headcount. Because the ones I have established these relationships with, I love them deeply. If I didn’t, they’d already be off the list.
Still, like so many of us, I am afraid of rejection or messing things up. I have been known to blurt out my first, “I love you,” while I am imbibing in some liquid courage/truth serum. Moving from, “I really like you,” to, “I love you,” is a pretty big deal, poly or not.
I try to find the good in everyone I meet. I often can’t. I am not in love with my crushes or acquaintances, but I relate to people well and I have a tremendous amount of love to give. So it isn’t an indiscriminate feeling that I feel for just anyone. I love who I love.
Maybe I’m not falling too easily. Maybe it’s just easy for me to love these particular women. And I do love them. They’re all so very worth it.