Poly? Swinger?

I was really surprised that I recently revisited my perhaps unjust position on poly vs. swinging. I used to think that swinging was much, much more “hard core” than polyamory. I no longer think that is true. I have been poly for far longer than I was ever swinging, and I have had far more sexual encounters with far more partners in poly situations than in swing situations. I have been to a handful of swinging and play parties and was both turned on and turned off by some of the various hullabaloo that was happening around me.

After my first play party, I was standing around the hotel’s parking lot actually speaking to the women I had been playing with. I got numbers. I saw them again outside of a swinging context. We had dates that did not include sexy times. I realized I was absolutely not a swinger when, after another party, I asked one of the girls I was with for her phone number and she said, “Yeah, you’re fun but I don’t really need to see you outside of the parties.” Wow. That stung.

I guess I’m not a swinger. I get attached. I don’t know how to separate sex from casual sex from relationshippy feelings. Let’s say I have a fantastic shag with a girl at a party. I think I’ll probably want to do that again. Do I actually like her, or was it just great sex? And if we shared something fantastic at that kind of level, why wouldn’t I want to get to know her? I am not a point where I want to have sex with someone I don’t care about.

Nope. Not a swinger… right?

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One thought on “Poly? Swinger?

  1. Hmmm….. interesting thought. I’ve always identified as a swinger, rather than poly. Even as a “swinger” I have a strong desire to be “into” the people I sleep with, beyond just the physical. Currently, I’ve gotten in a little deeper than usual with a guy and I’m actually feeling some poly-love. I think I want to have different levels of playmates. So I have my husband, and I have my current boyfriend, but I also might want a couple more casual boyfriends/playmates. I think there is room for both in my world, and I don’t really know what that makes me. Unlike you, I had a great time with a guy once and when he told me that he and his wife don’t “do relationships” and that he only wanted to see me at parties, it didn’t really sting at all. I was very thankful for the honesty and I just fully enjoy my memories of that night. (We don’t really go to the same parties, I guess, because I rarely see him.)

    In any case, you sound like an awesome playmate! 🙂 Love the daily check-in!

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