My daughter, The Marmoset, did some good sharing in circle time at her preschool the other day. Her teacher came up to Mrs. Manwhore and me during the post-school pickup. She looked a little nervous.
“Um, hi Mr. and Mrs. Manwhore. We were just wondering, is everything okay at home?”
The Mrs. and I looked at each other. Sure, everything has been at least at okay levels.
“Everything’s fine,” answered Mrs. Manwhore. “Why?”
“Marmoset was telling us during sharing time that she got to meet your special friend, Mister Alvin, and that you all went to Tastee-Tastee Yogurt with you, Mister Manwhore, and his special friend Miss Jeanette,” the teacher said.
The Mrs. and I looked at each other again and shared a smile. “Yes, that’s true,” I told her.
“Well,” teacher stammered, “is everything all right?”
“Couldn’t be better,” said my wife. “Everything is great,” and the three of us drove away smiley happy.
It’s true that our adorable little Marmoset has outed us far more often than we ever have, but that doesn’t really bother me. Her classmates are so heteronormative that if she had two moms or two dads instead of the cookie cutter suburban single mom or married parents, it would get the same sort of eyebrow raising that any partners of Mrs. Manwhore or I receive.
I don’t think this is a bad thing. Marmoset knows that mommy and daddy love her, and also that there are lots of other people who love her, who are important to her, and who think she is important, too. She is 5. She has no concept or interest in what goes on in the bedroom(s), and none of us will volunteer that information to her. Sure, I’ll answer direct questions when she gets to that point. But tell me, how often do your parents have sex? What positions do they like? More often than not, you aren’t going to know! You know your parents and their relationship status with each other or your step-parents or whatever…
As a grown person, you don’t need those details. The kids don’t, either.