I’m not that kinky… am I?

I love sex. If I use a complex equation and maths and figure the average times per week in the 19 years I have been sexually active, I determine that I have had sex between 5,000 and 7,000 times. I am not against playing games with sex and spicing it up and doing interesting new sexual activities, but even doing it five thousand times, I am still not bored with it. I don’t have any fetishes – I don’t need anything other than a consensual and enthusiastic partner to be able to enjoy myself.

Sure, there are lots of things that excite me. I enjoy watching people enjoying each other, but I don’t think I’m really a voyeur. I enjoy when other people are watching a partner and me enjoying each other, but I don’t think I’m really an exhibitionist. Lots of kinky things do excite me. I do really enjoy the sound of a thumpy leather flogger whapping some poor back. I like the heavy nose breathing when the ball gag is in place. I enjoy giving the occasional bottom spanking, but anything more than a rosy hue on those cheeks and I start to feel uncomfortable. I do not like the idea of hurting a woman, sexually or otherwise.

I’m accommodating and imaginative and playful and I appreciate the effort for things like lingerie, but the time it takes crafting those shibari knots… I think I would rather be actually fucking than tying my belle up.

But I am developing a healthy interest in kinkier stuff. Finding the balance between fun pain and abusey, hurty pain… Maybe I just need some kink training. I have a couple of those kooshbally rubbery flogger whips, I have a ball gag which one of the girls goes completely gooey for, I have some restraints. I don’t always think of using these things – my thoughts during sexy time turn to how I can please my partner, not about what toys I have in the drawer.

One of my partners is far kinkier than I am at the moment. She was talking about this big wooden paddle with a boot print carved into it and she wants someone to try to break that over her ass. I was a little surprised that her comment got my blood flowing. That got me fairly excited. I am crazy about her, and I would love to play with her in any way she wants to be played with.

There’s another girl I know that I have a varying level of interest in. I think she is smart and fun and I enjoy myself when I am around her but I see her photos in her Fetlife profile and I think, “holy shit… Yeah I don’t think I can do that to her.”

Is it normal to worry that I might be hurting her or that I am going to do something wrong? I think I just need some more experience to raise my comfort level.

Am I vanilla? I dunno. Maybe I am French Vanilla.

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