I don’t idle well. Part of the appeal of my, honestly, excessive poly lifestyle is that I get the constant stimulus I need to thrive and remain mentally active. Tonight, my wife is out with her boyfriend, so I am home with the children. The teen (now technically an adult but still a teen) mostly kept to his computer and the 5yo and I played pirates and watched Pirates and Mars Needs Moms, which was actually quite a bit better than I expected it to be. We had fun and thrilling and frankly unbelievable pirate adventures. And then it was bed time.
The actual bed time ritual was still fun. Story time, putting the PJs on, joking around while getting into bed, all of that was great. But that quickly came to an end when sleep time came after bed time (and, amazingly, she is actually asleep right now). It’s quiet. Nobody is talking to me. I don’t have anyone to entertain, or to be entertained by. I am alone with my asshole dogs and my thoughts, and neither offers any comfort right now.
I suck at down time. I am pretty terrible at taking vacation days at work. I am not prepared to have nothing to do. I’m like a kindergartener. I need a plan to keep me through the evening. One of my sweeties says that she is her own worst enemy when she is all alone. A different one of my sweeties says that as a mostly single girl, she really needs a fair amount of time just for herself. Me, I truly have no idea what to do with time to myself.
I could read, I suppose. And a lot of the time, that’s what I do. But at the moment, I am really not in the mood. I feel like doing something. I suppose I could do some sort of housey chore, but I feel like doing something fun and enjoyable. And here is where the spiral starts spinning downward… I don’t want something to do. I want something that I want to do, to do.
Writing this took my mind off things for nearly eight minutes.
Only ten hours to go until morning!