One of the girls is seeing a girl who I don’t see eye to eye with. She doesn’t fit the mold of the usual people that any of us usually see. First, she is not really poly. She’s a married cheater. Second, she is extremely jealous and possessive. She’s a cavegirl.
The Cavegirl is married, hates her husband, and has a boyfriend and a girlfriend, and she can’t get rid of the husband. Since she’s a cheater, she assumes that everyone is a cheater. Even though the entirety of our constellation is open and communicative, she is the holdout. She doesn’t want anyone to know what she is up to, but is constantly digging around to find out what everyone else is doing. And she has a really hard time believing everyone.
She’s constantly accusing her girlfriend of talking to other men and has gone so far as to threaten to dump her because she thinks the girlfriend is out with a man. She doesn’t believe the girlfriend when she says she wasn’t. She is constantly jealous of me and the time we spend together, and keeps saying she doesn’t understand how she can spend time with me and any of my partners together.
She says she couldn’t do anything with any of her partners’ partners because she would want to punch them in the face. How can you sit there, she asks her girlfriend, with him and his other girlfriend? I just couldn’t ignore that, I would want to punch him and claw her eyes out. I can’t see where she is coming from – she has three people of her own! She has them all very separated, though, and really doesn’t allow them to interact much. If it wasn’t for her girlfriend and boyfriend happening to know each other, I think she’d keep them all completely in the dark about one another.
She also continues to threaten her boyfriend, saying she’ll drop him, too. He’s a single poly guy and has a profile on POF and OKC. Allegedly, they have some sort of understanding that says they are supposed to tell each other before they start dating someone new. The Cavegirl didn’t tell him when she started seeing the other girlfriend, but went apeshit on him when he replied to a girl who messaged him on OKCupid.
Why is she a caveman? She is emotionally unsophisticated, she is quick to react with near violent outbursts and is threatened and easily frightened by things she doesn’t understand.
So if everyone knows that, why do they still put up with it all? Because they’re in love. Her two partners love her, even with her faults and weirdness. I’ll admit, she is funny and articulate, and the time that her partners actually spend with her, they say, is very enjoyable and lots of fun. The boyfriend and the girlfriend both say the sex is mindblowing. If the Cavegirl was actually poly, she’d be a blast.
Unfortunately, she isn’t. She lies, she cheats, she threatens. She is manipulative, she is emotionally abusive, she is possessive, she is jealous. I can’t judge her situation; I don’t feel that I have the right. But my girlfriend is crazy about her, and tells me to calm down. Mostly, I know this is none of my business, but there are times when said girlfriend is very upset about something that happened with the Cavegirl, and I don’t like to see her upset. So I know that the next time the Cavegirl breaks up with her, I’ll hold her and pet her and say, “Hey, you don’t need her to be happy,” and as soon as Cavegirl calms down, everything will be fine again.
Isn’t that a great word? “Fine?” I’ll talk about “fine” in another post. But until then, I’ll be happy that things are fine, and wait patiently until things are good.