One of the issues I face being active in the poly community is that I get to know a lot of the players in our area. This presents me with some problems when one of the girls is about to go on a date with someone new and it is someone I know.
This has been happening more and more frequently. I find that I default to dislike mode when I meet new people, particularly in group settings. When I find people I do like, I treasure that and try to establish something to keep that (but that’s another post…); for the most part, however, I don’t like people.
I try not to judge, but I do come up with snap observations. It is difficult not to attach value to those observations, but I know everyone is different and it’s not up to me to judge someone’s attitude or situation to be right or wrong. I just know what I am compatible with, and if it turns out that I am not compatible with a certain person, I tend to classify that person under “Dislike.”
So when one of my girlfriends, Honolulu, says she is dating a new poly person and it’s… say, Liam… I know Liam. I have met him at some events and I really don’t care for him. I think he takes himself far too seriously, talks down to people, is rude to waitresses, isn’t in to vanilla sex, and dumped a different girl I know because she wasn’t subby enough for his BDSMism. And I know that girlfriend Honolulu is not into BDSM.
So what do I say? Specifically, what do I say when Honolulu actually asks me point blank what I think of him? I went with being vague about his details and saying I hope she has a good time.
Is it wrong that I really don’t?