We have a lot of fuzzy wuzzy terms in the poly community. Terms like NRE, compersion, metamour… But there doesn’t seem to be a term for the emotion that really gets to me: The fear of being replaced.
I don’t really have many jealousy issues. Some, sure, but not a lot. I am not jealous that wifey is off (at this very moment, in fact) with her boyfriend and they are probably having wonderful sex and fun times. That is great for them! I don’t have any issues with that. I do occasionally wonder, though, is he better than me? At sex? At jokes? At any number of things? And if he is, does my wife want my particular brand of… well, whatever it is… more than his? Is she going to prefer her BF’s company to mine?
The same goes for my own girlfriends. A couple of them are going on new first dates next week. Good for them! Really, their happiness is very important to me and I hope they click with someone and enjoy themselves. But, again, there come those little insecure voices. What if the new guy is cuter than me? What if he is better in bed? What if he makes more money and drives a nicer car and takes her out to more impressive dinners and has a foot long wiener?
I know that I am great. I am a catch. I am fun to be around. But every so often I wonder if that is really enough. Am I capable of giving everyone what they want, what they need, what they expect from me? What if she gets what she needs from someone other than me?
In the end, I just have to accept that if one of the girls does prefer someone else’s company to mine, that doesn’t mean that I will necessarily be dropped. And if I am… Well, I know I can’t be the best at everything. I just have to have faith in the girls and trust that won’t happen.