When my wife was coming out to a friend, she was asked, “Well, what kind of lessons are you trying to teach your children with this… lifestyle?” My wife and I had a long talk about this.
I discussed it with my teenager. “You already said you aren’t going to break up for get a divorce or anything,” he said. “So, I didn’t really think too much about it. It’s cool.”
The five year old, on the other hand, is a little more involved with it. Most of the women that I see have children, some close to my daughter’s age. Like single parent dating, we have a certain standard for the depth of a relationship before new partners are allowed to meet our children and before the children are allowed to meet the other children. Introducing the kids to other children they might lose contact with in the event of a breakup is something we don’t want to have to subject them to.
On the other hand, when things work well, these new partners become members of our family. We have made a lot of new friends since adopting the poly lifestyle. Some of them are romantic; some, not. But openness has made a lot of difference in the way we form relationships with people. We don’t have to begin new relationships with a frame in mind.
So, lesson #1: You can be friends with men or women, whether you are a man or a woman.
Lesson #2: being open to new relationships makes it easier to form new relationships.
Lesson #3: Friends are important.
Lesson #4: It is fine to be sex-positive, but you must be responsible.
Lesson #5: It is ok to be jealous or have doubts.
Lesson #6: It is not ok not to talk about the things that bother you.
The woman my wife was talking to is a fine example of the monogamist agenda. She has a lock on the outside of her son’s door so that she can keep him from leaving his room in the morning until she is ready. She does not allow her husband to have fun or go out without her. He is kept on an extremely tight leash. She needs to be in control and she wants to be the queen bee.
Lesson #7: It is ok to do things without your spouse.
Lesson #8: It is ok to allow your spouse to have fun without you.
Raising good kids in a poly family doesn’t have to be more difficult than raising good kids in a mono family. We try to emphasize the same qualities as the populace at large: Communicate, make friends, be a good person, don’t be afraid.
“Well,” she sneered. “Good for you. I am sure you’ll be divorced within a year.” Well that’s a topic for another post.